Firstly, wow. Thanks to everyone who took the time to write me an email or comment on my last post. I had no idea there were so many of you out there and have been genuinely stunned by the amount of positive feedback I’ve received. Some comments were so thoughtful and generous. I really don't know what to say. Part of me wants to print them out and stick them on my fridge :)If anything, the whole experience has got me thinking a little about the power of praise – something until now I've certainly taken for granted.
If you think about it, praise really has to be one of the most fundamental human desires. The desire for status, wealth, fame and success all seem to have this common denominator – the goal of achieving recognition and respect from others.
I've heard some people say that we’re currently living in an overpraised generation where too much of the wrong kind of praise may actually be a bad thing. I recently read an interesting piece of research that found when children are praised for their efforts they are more likely to choose harder tests, are more resilient to failure and setbacks, and on later tests, their marks improve. By contrast, children praised for their intelligence or natural ability, chose easier tests when given the option, are distressed by failure and actually show declines in later tests of academic performance. It seems as though praising effort gives people a variable they can control which in turn makes setbacks and criticism more constructive, less frightening things.
In the context of training, it’s safe to say that honest and sincere encouragement goes a long way. For me, there are really few things more motivating than the words "getting better" grunted approvingly from Sensei. And, while praise beyond this is seldom directed at seniors, to the awkward and self-conscious beginner, a good sensei seems to find potential and strength even more readily than he/she finds fault.
It’s amazing to see what such simple words can do. And maybe it shouldn't just be up to seniors and teachers to praise their students. I remember how in awe of my seniors I was when I started training (and still am) – though I never dared tell them so. And yet, they probably battle with their inner critics as much as the rest of us.
I wonder why praise is such a hard thing to give when it's something we all like to receive? We certainly do have to be careful with how and whom we choose to praise. Have you been affected by praise? I'd love to hear your stories.
Update: I just came across an excellent article on American Traditional on the topic of praising one's superiors (or rather not). It's worth a read.
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Hi Krista,
Praise is interesting ... with kids it sometimes motivates and encourages them to do better, other times requires reward after the praise.. :-) it generally gives them a feeling of self worth.. With your Boss however, he will praise you so you will work harder for less money, a tool designed to work against the ego.. Praise means different things to different people, some need it some don’t... I came to realise recognition for what you should enjoy, practicing Martial Arts is pointless, as you only really have to have to prove things to yourself and constantly seeking praise from others is a negative in my view and does little to keep the ego in check....
Steve
I read that article on American/Traditional and was particularly interested in the Japanese Viewpoint.
I strongly believe it applies to us here in the states but we are so blind to the art of civility in some cases we don't see the forest for the trees.
Charles James
I read the article, and found it interesting in an anthropological sense.
I also think it attempts to validate systems and behavior that the author prefers. I will disagree.
It's not about being social equals. There are deeply psychological processes that are tapped in training. To say a teacher doesn't need praise may be correct technically, but teachers need validation as much as anyone else. I suspect that they get it from the 'ah ha' look that comes over a student's face, and when they see growth in skill and performance.
@Steve: There's definitely a world of difference between false flattery and genuine praise from people we like and respect. The latter being something I think most of us rarely give but always like to receive. That said, I agree that constantly seeking praise in martial arts or any field for that matter is problematic. Ultimately we all need to learn to find motivation for training in ourselves.
@Charles & Narda: I think cultural differences and dojo etiquette are important things to be mindful of when studying traditional martial arts. Better to err on the side of caution than to blunder along an ignorant Westerner.
That said, the specific context will always dictate what behaviour is most appropriate. There are clearly situations where praising a senior or instructor would be highly condescending. But then, there are also ways of sharing our respect and admiration with our seniors. Like you say Narda, it may just be the expression on your face.
If we show appropriate etiquette and respect where it’s due, our feelings will probably be pretty clear to the people that matter.
I train because I enjoy training; I continue to do it, whether or not I get praised. But I'd be lying if I said praise doesn't feel good. I don't need it, getting it always makes me feel just a little bit happier. I gives me a boost to my confidence, too. If I get praise, I know I'm on the right track.
I watch the masters at my school work with the kids, including my own son, and praise always makes the kids' stances a little more solid, their kicks a little more confident. It seems to make the kids try a little harder. I've always appreciated that the masters at White Tiger use only positive motivation (praise and gentle constructive correction). The kids at there love the school and the masters who teach there; I'm sure the method of teaching contributes greatly to it.